Last Updated on May 9, 2019 by Heather Hart, ACSM EP, CSCS
My oldest son will be the first to tell you that it wasn’t him, but his pesky little brother (age 6) that caused mom’s stomach to be all wrinkly and disfigured. The youngest takes zero offense to this accusation, in fact, when reminded he often laughs and then grabs at the extra skin that surrounds my belly button. Yes, in a quite literal labor of love, my second born transformed me from owning a standard issue smooth skinned stomach to something disfigured enough that it makes many people do a double take. I gained just over 70 lbs during the 9 ish months of that pregnancy, and proceeded to lose it nearly as quickly. Even the best of genetics couldn’t help me there, the skin was stretched for good. Add in the fact that my collapsed belly button (thank you again, kid) now has a horizontal scar running through it from a recent umbilical hernia surgery, and it’s safe to say that aesthetically speaking, my stomach is a hot mess.
I’m going to stop right here and let you know that this isn’t another soapbox post where I tell you to f*ck the photoshopped norms our society has come to expect and embrace your “mom bod”. Because I’d be lying to you. The truth is, I’m super self conscious of my stomach, and I feel like a giant hypocrite because of it.
My job as a fitness professional is to not only teach people how to properly lead a healthy, active lifestyle, but to teach them how to appreciate, cultivate, and love the body they have. I will be the first to tell a client to not focus on the number on the scale, or the way their thighs look in shorts, and instead revel in the fact that they can now run 20 for minutes when last week they could only do 10, or celebrate a new bench press PR when months ago they couldn’t lift the bar, period. Our bodies are capable of such AMAZING things, running really long distances, lifting incredibly heavy weights, GROWING HUMAN BEINGS, and they should be celebrated, not shunned because of something as trivial as aesthetics. And I truly try to abide by the same philosophy myself…
…except a lot of times things are easier said than done.
Only ONE TIME perviously in my entire running career have I run in a sports bra…and nothing else. The 2012 Quincy Half Marathon. I was at a low weight & low body fat percentage due to a gnarly breakup, I was feeling edgy (or numb, I can’t remember), and bought myself an entire new INKnBURN outfit simply to muster up the courage to run without a shirt. I somehow managed to overcome the self consciousness by running really fast and obliterating my previous half marathon PR by something like 11 minutes. But when the pictures came back, I cringed at the sight of all of that extra skin in motion. In fact, I was so embarrassed by the picture below, the picture of me hauling along at mile 12 still rocking a sub 7:30/min pace and passing that dude to my left, that I purposefully kept the picture out of my race recap (and off of Facebook, or twitter…you get the idea).
Yes, I realize that is stupid. But aren’t most of our aesthetic insecurities pretty ridiculous?
As you all know, we recently moved from ice-tundra-Vermont to hot-humid-swampy-miserable-South Carolina. Okay, miserable is an unfair stretch, I’m actually enjoying my time here thus far. But it is HOT and humid (as it should be in the South during the summer), so much so that breathing is hard and sun stroke is imminent. Staying cool is no longer a trivial comfort factor, it’s a life or death necessity. I suppose that sounds somewhat extreme, but technically speaking, it isn’t far from the truth. You HAVE to stay cool or your run will come to an abrupt, painful end.
It took me about two weeks of sweating my ass off to work up the courage and simultaneously not give a flying $*@% to finally strip off my tank top before strapping on my hydration pack. Geoff was mid conversation with a mountain biker in the parking lot, when I came around the corner, ready to run, in nothing but shorts and a sports bra. He said something along the lines of “woah, you’re running in a sports bra?” to which I braced myself and defensively (for no reason other than I’ve become accustomed to apologizing for the sight of my stomach) started to spew off explanations. Something along the lines of “well there aren’t that many people out here to see me, and it’s really hot, and so and so has the courage to do it and she has stretch marks like me and …”
He stopped me mid sentence.
“Hun, you look fine.”
I’m not sure I believed him, in the classic partner case of “do I tell her the truth or say what she wants to hear?” but it was disgustingly hot in the midday sun. So I ran.
Shirtless.
And I realized as I powered down the trails faster than I had the previous few weeks that my embarrassment and fear of other people seeing my “less than perfect” stomach only perpetuated the belief that we should be ashamed of our flaws. How can I, someone who works in the fitness industry for the sole purpose of helping others, possibly preach the importance of fitness and health over aesthetics, or the importance of loving yourself (physically AND mentally), when I don’t practice what I preach?
Besides, my body is pretty freaking badass, and I mean that in the best way, not the “Maxim” magazine way.
Yes I have stretch marks and scars and extra skin, all of which no exercise nor cream, nor anything short of surgery will ever fix. No, my stomach will never grace the cover of Shape or Fitness magazine, regardless of my budding 6-pack status. But this stomach has stretched to accommodate the growth of two human beings. Clearly with the overpopulation of our planet, we’ve come to take that feat for granted as it happens everyday. But think about how amazing the not so simple act of creating life actually is. I’ve always disliked the reference to stretch marks as “badges of honor”, but in a way, they kind of are. “Check this out, I battled childbirth…and won! Twice!”
This stomach has taken me through a 50 mile ultra marathon, 8 marathons, 25+ half marathons, and so many shorter distance races, obstacle course races, and triathlons that I lost count. This stomach has scaled 12 foot walls and army crawled under hundreds of feet of barbed wire. This stomach is working on building enough strength to successfully complete a toe-to-bar in CrossFit, when just 4 months ago it was cut open with a scalpel and subsequently stitched back together.
One day it’s going to take me through a 100 miler (edit: done, twice.), and some muscle ups, and whatever other adventures I find myself on. Maybe I’ll even roll a kayak or climb Mt. Everest. The possibilities are endless, but you know what won’t stop me? The fact that my stomach doesn’t look like it once did.
I want to clarify that this isn’t a post about modesty; by all means do whatever makes you feel comfortable. This post could apply to so many of the self esteem issues that many people struggle with. But the key message here is “what makes YOU comfortable”. YOU. Don’t let yourself feel shame from the superficial judgments that others may or may not even have in the first place. (As I mention in this post to new runners, most people are cheering for you, not jeering, despite what our inner voices might be saying. We truly are our own worst critics.)
I didn’t mean for this post to turn into a soapbox rant, but here I am shouting:
Push yourself to be better every day, but also love yourself for exactly who you are in that very moment. Nothing is more badass and beautiful than self love.
And on that note, I’m signing up for a naked 5K. Yep. Stay tuned…
(edit to add: I ran the naked 5K. Read that race report HERE)
Heather Hart is an ACSM certified Exercise Physiologist, NSCA Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist (CSCS), UESCA certified Ultrarunning Coach, RRCA certified Running Coach, co-founder of Hart Strength and Endurance Coaching, and creator of this site, Relentless Forward Commotion. She is a mom of two teen boys, and has been running and racing distances of 5K to 100+ miles for over a decade. Heather has been writing and encouraging others to find a love for fitness and movement since 2009.
Heather Balogh (@AColoradoGal)
You are awesome. The end.
hellodynamite
I just feel like giving you a hug. I’m literally sitting here trying to psych myself up to go to the gym. A year ago I stopped going because I just could not get out of my head and I felt like everyone was laughing at me. It’s so dumb to care what those people (who I don’t know, will never see) affect me that way, but I just let it get to me and I quit. And now, I’m supposed to go back today and I’m trying to arm myself with a workout that I can do that will work well while simultaneously not attract any attention to myself. I literally just searched “workout for obese girl” on Pinterest. I have no idea what I’m going to do today. But I am going to simply show up. Hopefully I’ll get something nailed down soon. This shit is fucking tough. (sorry for the language.)
jennifer
You go girl, you ARE amazing, not just LOOK amazing! At age 48, I’m also totally over about being emmbarrased about being in a sports bra or bathing suit– I have a little bit of that wrinkly tummy skin from three huge babies now all teenage boys and an unfortunate bloating situation that sometimes leaves my stomach bigger than my chest (not a hard feat) and looking preggers (with abs on top, lol) Oh, well . . now, I’m off to kick some butt too! PS, can’t wait to hear about the naked 5k, you serious?!
Christine R.
Awesome 6-pack. And I love your tattoo. Keep rockin’ that sports bra! I would knock myself unconscious with my boobs if I tried to do a naked 5k but more power to you. 😉
John
From the ages of, say, 11 (when I basically stopped growing taller) to 20, I gained a LOT of weight . . . I was never a skinny kid, but I wasn’t huge. But, as my peers caught up to my height, and I realized that I wasn’t some kind of basketball prodigy, I ate like an athlete while working out very little, which isn’t a good combination.
Then I lost a good amount of weight toward the end of college, only to find it again after a gnarly breakup of my own (funny how different people respond to that kind of stress in different ways).
Then I “settled down” with the woman who would become my wife . . . we had a drawer full of candy, always stocked, at the house. I put on more weight.
Then we chose to get married, and I lost a lot of weight.
Then, over the first 10 years of married bliss, I found all of that weight. And maybe a little more.
Now, I think I finally have things in order, with working out & diet & work & family & kids all properly prioritized (and not in that order, though I haven’t been running in the very recent past, I’m trying to rearrange things to get running back in, regularly).
I say all of that because, now, I have skin — it’s nothing like carrying children over 9 months — but years of neglect mean that my stomach looks INCREDIBLY similar to you own.
One thing that I’ve found is that, despite “getting fit” (whatever that might actually mean) just narrows the complaints I have of my body. “I don’t like my belly” has turned into “I don’t like the way my belly skin just hangs there.”
That said, I’ve kind-of thrown myself, a bit, to the wolves, from time to time, intentionally running topless – if only to try to own the insecurities. Or something. Or maybe I’m just baiting my own insanity.
radiosilents
OMG YES. So much this. I am working on losing over 200 pounds, with almost 100 pounds down so far. It was only when the weather started getting warmer and I had to do my runs that I finally got over my arms (big and jiggly and hairier than I’d like) and my belly (which looms large and low – it goes “bloop!” when I run for the ball in tennis!) and I wear a tank top and compression tights when out in public. *gasp*! So over it, though. I feel more comfortable than ever, and if my body horrifies anyone, no one says so. In fact, folks in my running group have been complimenting me left and right lately. Go figure!
And yes, you look amazing. Celebrate!
http://amytenpercent.blogspot.com
Melvina
Thank you so, so, so very much for sharing that. Your honesty, confidence and positive thoughts are so freaking motivating. I embrace them and myself. I really needed to read your experience. Thank you.
hope
I have stretch marks, I run (sometimes) sans shirt. I’ve also done CrossFit with just a sports bra too. I think we all feel a little self conscious but in my world I remind myself of the ZFG rule. I’ve also mowed the yard in a bikini… See #ZFG #MomOf2
Yvonne G.
I love it .. I could’ve written some of those exact words! Thank you for being YOU bravo!! #mumstumsrock !!!
Damon Jacobsen
I feel the same way. The weight I lost in legs gives my thighs this flabby thing going on. Someone said in one of my pics from a race, that he thought my junk was hanging out at first look. Everyone else says “don’t worry about it”, but utterly disgusting to me. The price for fitness I suppose.
Nic
I’ve just come across your blog while searching for somewhere to buy arm sleeves for my first OCR and I have a feeling I’ll be reading this again in the future. I started running just over 2 years ago after a break up and it was the best thing I’ve done. I lost almost a stone and a half, I’ve now run 3 half marathons and I’ve just joined a running club where I’ve proved I can run faster than I thought.
But I’m still uncomfortable with my body. I’ve put back on almost half a stone from muscle, which is fine, as my face and frame still look slimmer and I know I’ll never be a skinny girl. Since signing up for my first Spartan (which is in Edinburgh next Saturday, eep!), I’ve been focused on building my upper body strength, trying to look like the amazing toned women in the photos.
However I feel like a failure because even though there is clearly muscle definition there and I have been slowly upping the weights, I still don’t look like them. I still feel chunky, especially round my stomach as no matter what I do, I can’t seem to get rid of it. If I wear a tight tank when running, I panic that people are looking at me and judging me, no matter how often my friends tell me that I’m looking great. I’d love to go out in just a sporty cropped top (although the scaffolding I require to strap me in makes that a little unlikely too!), but if I’m too self conscious to even wear shorts, then what hope do I have?
Thank you for helping me realise that I’m not the only person out there worrying about this. How is it that we are still paranoid about how we look when we are pushing ourselves further than the ones we are thinking are judging us?
I’m trying to focus on the fact that I’m doing things that I would never thought I’d be capable of a few years ago. My body is far more powerful than it was before and even if it doesn’t look Women’s Health perfect, then I should still be proud of it. However, that seems to be more easily said than done….. is there an app for that?
Heather@hungryforbalance
Great post!! Thank you for sharing this! My stomach has extra skin and is not flat due to my diastasis recti. It is hard to NOT be self conscious of it in our flat ab obsessed world!
Jess@Flying Feet In Faith
You blogged every word I’ve been thinking lately. I’m in western nc close to sc and it’s humid and hot!! I finally bared my post baby midsection one day because of all the reasons you mentioned. My body is strong and dangit it’s hot! As a fellow personal traininer I need to practice what I preach. Daily. Easier said than done. But it’s a battle I feel, honestly, most women fight every single day. We fitness professionals are no exception sometimes!
wendyistakingthelongwayhome
Good for you! It’s really all about being comfortable in your skin, right? I’m not. Hence the singlets…
Serena
Thank you for your awesome blog. I’m on my way to surgery tomorrow and needed one last pep talk as I was feeling anxious. Your tips and post op pics really give me hope. You look incredible btw. Thanks again. Serena
peggy
Thx so much for your info. My sister in law is facing this surgery next month.
Deb
This is exactly what I was looking for. I’m a mom of two boys, 32, rocking a diastes recti, starting my own fitness journey and about to have hernia repair surgery!
I appreciate your candidness and honesty. I’m super glad I’ve locked down two weeks of constant help around the house post-op, wasn’t sure what I was in for but hoping I can get back into life and activity soon. Thanks so much.
Jo
Absolutely superb to read.
I have just had umbilical hernia repair – it was small – but I had a cyst close to it.
I have had 2 children (20 yrs ago)- and like you my 2nd child ruined my abs – and gave me shocking stretch marks.
I work out and also teach in a gym part-time. I NEVER wear just a sports bra 🙂
I am 10 days post surgery and swelling is 70% less.. I intend to teach my class next Thursday – and see how I feel/ but wont lift weights for at least 5 weeks..
Your post resonated so much of how I have felt and really made me smile.
Good luck in the rest of your challenges 😉
Dennis
I know what you mean about surviving in the heat and humidity. No matter how low my body fat I still have that “man-boob” thing going … so it’s shirt off and let ’em fly.
Ali
Hi, thank you for the post. I am a runner and mom of two kids. While pregnant with my daughter I had an emergency appendectomy. The operation and pregnancy left me with both an umbilical hernia and m separated abs. My hernia is getting much worse so I am now considering the repair journey. Thanks for your updates and pictures. It helps!
Jaiden McDevitt
I have a terrible diastasis recti, and also have the umbilical hernia. I get it repaired tomorrow. There is a Bellefit girdle (other similar products) that you can wear that, evidently does a great job at pulling the diastasis back together. I researched the shite out of it and just had mine delivered two days ago.
Kiran Shah, UK
Hi there, I read your hernia blogs. I am waiting to have a date scheduled too. You are amazing!!
Karli
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m also into fitness and recently had an umbilical mesh repair hernia. My hernia was caused from having diastasis recti with two pregnancies. My surgeon advised to go laparoscopic, so I did. Hopefully I don’t have complications later on from the mesh.
Was your belly swollen or did it look distended the first week? I’m going on day 3 tomorrow.