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I have writers block.
No, not really. I have plenty to say. Tons actually. But I’m floating around in that awkward space where I wonder if I actually want to share the chaos that’s going on in my mind. Or if anyone cares to read it. Or if this is the appropriate place to share it. But better out than in, Shrek always says, so…
Anyone else addicted to pinterest? If you haven’t checked it out, don’t, because you will spend a disgusting amount of time on there looking at pictures of whatever your mind can possibly imagine to search for. Arts and crafts. Decorating ideas. And my favorite, quotes. Everything from motivational, inspirational, comical, and ridiculous. It’s all there.
These days I find these sorts of quotes to be calming and ridiculous all at the same time. It’s so easy to try and use words to describe what you are feeling, it’s a little harder to believe that they are the truth. Nothing good comes easily. Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. Without change there would be no butterflies. When one door of happiness closes, another one opens. Blah blah blah. Insert eyeball rolling here. It’s not that I’m bitter. OK maybe a little. But lately I find myself feeling an overwhelming sense of relief, and at the same time, I am building a giant barricade around my heart and soul as to not feel anything, really. No entrance. No exit. Just steady as she goes. Day by day, minute by minute, second by second. No looking back, no looking forward. Just…live right now. I’m sure this isn’t the healthiest approach but for now…it works. We weren’t meant to live in the past anyway. I know this must be true, because I saw it on pinterest. See?
All sarcasm aside, as much as the past has hurt, as much as I still hurt, this new start is really, well, looking pretty awesome.
This week: I ran my highest mileage week in a long time. Sure, it was a measly 22 miles, but no one was telling me that I was being selfish. No one was trying to make me feel bad for doing what I love. Instead my running was encouraged and my running was not rushed (unless of course, you count the new running group I joined up with on Saturday, their “easy” pace was my “tempo” pace…but this my friends is the GOOD kind of “rushed”). My running was mine and it was so freaking fantastic.
This week: I got a job. Doing what I LOVE. A wellness coach. Personal training. Sharing the fitness passion with as many people as I can. With a paycheck and a gym membership to boot. Awesome.
This week: my boys have calmed down so much. They are having a blast here. And we all got to see some really amazing friends that we haven’t seen in a year. The kind of friends you can pick right back up with as if you saw each other yesterday, and not 13 months ago. Even the kids acted as if there was never any time or distance between us.
This week: I discovered new trails. Lots and LOTS of trails begging me to run on them. I’m giddy.
This week: I’m realizing more and more that the path may have been bumpy…but I’m headed down the right road. And darn it, I’m worth the trip.