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Adventure may hurt you, but monotony will kill you.

Why Do It?

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Growing up in our house in Vermont, we had a huge built in dining room armoire in the kitchen/dining room area.  And in the middle of the very nice wooden armoire was a big mirror.  And in the middle of that mirror, my dad hung this bumper sticker:

It hung there for YEARS. In fact if my memory serves me correctly, it was still there the very last time I visited the house as an adult before my parents moved.  I always found it funny, but I don’t know that I ever really grasped the concept. I mean, homework wasn’t fun, but I still had to do it.  Cleaning my bedroom or doing the dishes wasn’t fun in the slightest, but Dad still made me do it.  The bumper sticker was fun, it was funny, but it wasn’t reality.  Especially when you are a teenager and everyone is out to put a damper on your fun.
But, with age comes wisdom. So they say.
I’ve been thinking of this sticker a lot in the last month, and it’s taken on a whole new meaning.  Sure I have to still pay bills, and do the dishes, and the laundry, and scrub potty-training toddler and preschoolers with bad aim pee off of the toilet (and walls and floor) and NONE of that is fun. Not in the slightest. But it has to be done. 
But besides the grown up responsibilities, such as keeping a roof over your families head and the floors underneath the roof pee-free, there IS fun time to be had.  Though the fun time might not be as extensive as it used to be in our now adult busy lives, it’s still there if you make the time for it.  And recently, I realized that I was not having fun with my fun time.  So, as Ben and Jerry would say (over a pint of Phish Food or Half Baked) “If it’s not fun, why do it?”
Mighty good question my ice cream pals.
I started running in January of 2007.  I started racing a few weeks later.  And to my surprise…I was actually pretty good at it.  I’m not talking “quick someone call an Olympic recruit” good, but you know, good enough to place in local races.  Good enough that 3 months later I smashed my first solo-half marathon goal finish time by 20 minutes. Good enough that I discovered this inner competitive side of me that I NEVER knew I had…not even through all of the years I played sports in school (and I really WAS convinced I was going to the Olympics for soccer, thank you Mia Hamm). Once she (the inner competitive side, not Mia Hamm) emerged, all I wanted was to get better. Faster. Stronger. Beat this girl, beat that girl. If she can do it, I can do it, and so on. Thus began my obsession with earning a Boston Qualifying time…NOW.  Finishing an Ironman…NOW.  And so on and so forth.  But unfortunately there was a mighty imbalance in my endurance obsessed brain.  The “it takes time to properly build to that level” was far outweighed by the “no I want it NOW” voice, which resulted in utter frustration and my motivation saying “forget this, I’m out of here”
And as those of you who have been here since day one (heck, even before that, back in the days of the myspace blog) will know…I’ve burnt out about 5,972 times because of this mindset.   I’m sure if I had the time to really go back and read this blog from day one, I would laugh at how many times I set lofty goals, failed at reaching them, and then cried about my lack of willpower.  It’s my very own soap opera, what can I say.
But in the last few months, I have had the most amazing epiphany.  The “if it’s not fun, why do it” realization. I threw my hands up and said, you know what? I’m cool with all of my current PRs.  I’m cool with running because it’s FUN.  Sure I may not be the best swimmer out there (or good at all for that matter) but I’m living my life and having FUN. Winning and being the best really isn’t everything.  I know many people think if you aren’t constantly pushing yourself to be better, then why bother? But me, I’m sticking with my buddies Ben and Jerry. I want to throw all the pressure aside and fall in love with running again.
And I have.  The feeling of running because it feels good.  The time alone with my thoughts. The runners high. The NOT being obsessed with my Garmin (I even left it home a few times)  The runners high.  The D.O.M.S. (dont’ pretend you don’t love it a little bit too)
And do you want to know the ironic thing?  I’m pushing harder than I have in a long time. Not because some interal drive is telling me I have to, but I push because I want to.  And it feels GOOD.  For example, yesterday I did my first bout of speed work in a LONG time.  800’s on the track with local running buddy Melissa.   Old Heather would have been frustrated at feeling so weak. Why am I not stronger? Why am I such a slacker? Why does this suck so much? Ugggh I should just quit.  But this time was different. Yeah, I was still sucking wind, running about 4:10-800’s, when months ago, I would have been pissed if I didn’t clear 3:50 on each one.  But instead I had this overwhelming feeling of how GOOD it felt to know I’m making myself stronger. Each 800 was harder than the last, both physically and effort put forth. Sure, I have a long ways to go. But I am here, aren’t I?  I’m putting in the effort. 

Instead of thinking: “I’m not good enough”
I’m thinking:  “everyday I’m getting better”. 

And everyday, I AM getting better, while having fun doing what I enjoy.   It’s AMAZING what a little change in perception can do for you.   This sport, for so , so many of us, is about BUILDING ourselves up.  Physically, yes, but also emotionally.  Running really helped me come out of my shell.  I know, I’m sure those of you who have only recently met me could never imagine how incredibly, painfully shy I used to be (now I hardly shut up, but I digress). I’ve talked to COUNTLESS people who have developed an amazing sense of self confidence and self worth through their running.   Build yourself up, do not tear yourself down.  You ARE good enough, strong enough, fast enough.  And if you feel otherwise, or are in a running slump yourself…then change your outlook. Sure, always push to be better. Don’t get me wrong there.  But do not let somethign you love bring you down. You are not defined as a person by the place you finish in a race.   Remember why you started to LOVE running in the first place, or why you want to love running.

 Listen to Ben and Jerry.  Afterall, anyone who puts pop rocks in ice cream certainly knows what they are talking about. 

Happy (fun) running my friends! Have a fantastic week!

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Comments

  1. Great post! I hear you on the pee on the floor, and I only have 1 boy. It has been hard telling people that I will nit be able to do an Ironman with them next year. I want it now too, but have been blessed with my patience in other areas of my life (my housing situation for example), and I know patience will pay off in endurance sports too. It took me 7 years to get my BQ, and that was AFTER being an decent runner for 4 years prior to training for my first failed attempt.

    All seriousness aside, I thought of the SNL Stuart Smalley sketch, I’m good enough, and I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me! ( did that just make me old?)

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  4. This post came at just the right time and hit the nail on the head for me in so many ways. I just got back from a 20 mile training run this morning thinking Life Sucks! Why do I do this again?!? Granted, I don’t know anyone that LOVES 20 milers, but I think that I have had enough for now. I will absolutely do my next marathon in 3.5 weeks, but I am so looking forward to not having any races on the schedule and running just because, and loving it again! I am looking forward to great easy going runs. Garmin free mind you 🙂

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  5. Thank you so much for this wonderful blog. I can really relate to much of what you said (boys & their pee, wanting everything NOW). I love the bumper sticker. My husband and I base our relationship on fun because as soon as it stops being fun we are going to call it quits! lol 14yrs and counting…..

    Definitely a retweet of this blog is needed. Loved it.

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  7. true dat girlie.. true dat! You are singing my song now. Let’s check in w/ each other again on a say.. weekly .. basis to make sure we are staying on the fun track. Let’s be real.. old habits die hard. ha ha 😀

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