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How to run a bad/good 5k: a step by step tutorial

May 29, 2011 by Heather Hart, ACSM EP, CSCS 28 Comments

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Last Updated on November 8, 2014 by Heather Hart, ACSM EP, CSCS

TEN STEPS TO A BAD 5K:

Step 1:  Eat really, really well for a week straight. Nothing processed enters your body.  36 hours before the race, accidentally consume massive quantities of wine.  By accidentally I mean, “one glass won’t hurt” turns to two, turns to three, and oh wait, that glass was really big so 3 probably equaled 4 or 5.  See? Accident.

Step 2:  For the 24-12 hours pre race: nurse gnarly hangover.  Do not rehydrate properly, because your stomach can’t handle the thought of…well..anything.   Same goes with food. Don’t bother fueling. Lay on the couch all day with your sick kids.

Step 3: Laying on the couch all day will give you a nice boost of energy around, oh, 9:00 PM, so be sure to stay up late.  TOO late. 

Step 4:  Wake up super early. Early enough that you have about 3 hours to sit around and mull over your nervous energy.

Step 5: eat nothing more than a banana for breakfast.  That nervous energy won’t allow for much more than that anyway. And no, still no hydrating!

Step 6: Be sure to pick a race that has NO shade on the course, make sure the sun is out without any cloud cover, and be absolutely certain that the temperature reaches at least 80 degrees before the start.

Step 7: Consider 3/10ths of a mile a “good enough” warm up. It’s too hot out to warm up anyway.

Step 8:  When the gun goes off, run like a bat out of hell.  Pacing shmacing. If you look down and see anything slower than a 5:30 min/mile pace on your Garmin, you are going too slow.  Hold this pace for, oh, a quarter mile, until your body starts screaming “yeah, right” and you drop pace significantly.

Step 9: When you hit the water stop, and grab a big cup to pour over yourself, remember, you have a sweat wicking visor on.  Therefore, throw the entire contents of the cup at the top of your forehead, ensuring no water ACTUALLY touches your skin nor does any good in cooling you off.

Step 10: Congratulations, at this point you should be walking the course, letting people pass you left and right, reveling in the dizziness and chills that are likely the onset of heat exhaustion. Be sure to really note how HEAVY your legs feel, and the fact that your Garmin is constantly beeping at you to “go faster”.  Nothing says “bad 5k” like adding a minute to each one of your three miles, and walking within 200 yards of the finish line. Of a 5k!

TEN STEPS TO A GOOD 5K:

Step 1:  Pick a race that celebrates something important, such as appreciating our Military personnel, past and present, and all that they do for us.

Step 2:  Meet up with friends, new and old. A run is always better when shared, even if you don’t run the same pace, you are still there together.
 

Step 3:  ENJOY the fact that you are running.  What is it they always say?  A bad day of fishing running is always better than a good day at work?  Or something like that.  You are doing what you love. So LOVE IT, even if it’s really hard today.  Push. Persevere.  Giggle as you think of your sister, who texted you to “pretend Shaun T is chasing you”. Tell yourself to “Dig Deeper”, for Shaun’s sake.

Step 4:   Get really excited when you cross the finish line and a veteran hands you a finisher’s medal. Unexpected bling for simply finishing a local 5k? YES PLEASE!

Step 5:  Celebrate the fact that even though you had a horrible race, you still placed first in your age group. Accept your award with a big smile on your face.  25:55 may not be “good” to you, but it’s certainly far from “slow”.

Step 6: Cheer for your running partner in crime when she also takes an age group award.  You knew she would, she’s been rocking this whole season, with a 6 month old baby in tow!
Step 7: Scream with excitement when your new friend wins her first age group award. 

Step 8:   Try not to tear up when aforementioned age group winner new friend, who lives a thousand miles away, and you’ve never met in person until that morning, reminds you that YOU were the one who first suggested and encouraged her to take up running. 

Step 9:  Beam with pride over having the worlds sweetest babies, when you come home, walk in the door, pick up your 2 year old and he exclaims excitedly: “Oh mama, you wond TWO medals, gweat job esercising!!!”

 Step 10: Thank God for your health, your strength, your LEGS, and an amazing sport that has brought so much good  to your life!

Have a happy and safe Memorial day! And THANK YOU to all who have served or are serving to keep us safe and give us our FREEDOM! 
Heather Hart, ACSM EP, CSCS
Website |  + postsBio

Heather Hart is an ACSM certified Exercise Physiologist, NSCA Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist (CSCS), UESCA certified Ultrarunning Coach, RRCA certified Running Coach, co-founder of Hart Strength and Endurance Coaching, and creator of this site, Relentless Forward Commotion.   She is a mom of two teen boys, and has been running and racing distances of 5K to 100+ miles for over a decade.  Heather has been writing and encouraging others to find a love for fitness and movement since 2009.

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Filed Under: Race Recaps Tagged With: 5k

About Heather Hart, ACSM EP, CSCS

Heather Hart is an ACSM certified Exercise Physiologist, NSCA Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist (CSCS), UESCA certified Ultrarunning Coach, RRCA certified Running Coach, co-founder of Hart Strength and Endurance Coaching, and creator of this site, Relentless Forward Commotion.   She is a mom of two teen boys, and has been running and racing distances of 5K to 100+ miles for over a decade.  Heather has been writing and encouraging others to find a love for fitness and movement since 2009.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Rose @ Eat, Drink, and Be Meiri

    May 29, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    What a great post. I was laughing, then smiling. COngrats on being an inspiration.

    Reply
  2. Shannon

    May 29, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    Great job girl. And your welcome for your freedom. (8 yr Army vet).

    Reply
  3. Lora

    May 29, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    Hilarious … and AMEN!

    Reply
  4. S Club Mama

    May 29, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    awww your little guy is so adorable!!

    Reply
  5. Amanda@runninghood

    May 29, 2011 at 8:59 pm

    This was great! Loved the whole thing! Happy Weekend to yoU! 🙂

    Reply
  6. Laura

    May 29, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    Love this! Good job exercising! 🙂

    Reply
  7. Irene

    May 29, 2011 at 11:26 pm

    We always scream with excitement whether if we win or not. LOL.

    Great post!

    Reply
  8. Kurt @ Becoming An Ironman

    May 29, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    Hilarious!!!

    Reply
  9. cjw

    May 30, 2011 at 12:02 am

    great post!! thanks…and great job!

    Reply
  10. Lys

    May 30, 2011 at 12:25 am

    LOVE the 2yo’s comments! Great tutorials; I think I wanna run a bad 5k later this summmer. Ha ha. Congrats on your groups’ sweeping of the age groups!

    Reply
  11. Ironmom (Julie)

    May 30, 2011 at 1:02 am

    What a sweet baby. Gweat job!

    Reply
  12. Kati

    May 30, 2011 at 3:21 am

    this is so great! thanks for sharing. i’ve always wanted to run a 5k and love hearing the stories of those who have ran before me.

    Reply
  13. Colleen

    May 30, 2011 at 3:31 am

    You are too funny! Congrats on a great race! 🙂

    Reply
  14. Kelly

    May 30, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    You are just great! That is all I have to say. I’m bummed you are not coming to quassy!

    Reply
  15. Michelle

    May 30, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    Too funny – great post!

    Reply
  16. Nicole Orriëns

    May 30, 2011 at 5:49 pm

    I can run a bad 5k in one single step: I just go out when it’s hot. Failure garanteed!

    Success is another matter. That’s just something that happens. Or not. I wish I could learn to control my succesfull runs.

    momshomerun.blogspot.com

    Reply
  17. Gaspegirl

    May 30, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    What an excellent post… it reminds me that it is ok to have a bad run.

    Make it a great day!

    Reply
  18. Tia

    May 31, 2011 at 1:14 am

    I love how real you were! We all have bad races but you found the humor and the good in it! Way to go!

    Reply
  19. Lisa Staples

    May 31, 2011 at 3:26 am

    I just stumbled across your blog. OMG you are amazing! Great blog!!

    http://runningfitnesshealth.blogspot.com/

    Reply
  20. runnerwannabe

    May 31, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    Wonderful post! I love reading your blog~Your blog was the first blog I started following. You are such an inspiration to me!

    Reply
  21. Heather

    May 31, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    Great post.
    I have already done it the bad way a couple of times. I will try it the good way..you know…just for a change.
    Nice to meet you!!

    Reply
  22. Life as a Convert (Khourt)

    May 31, 2011 at 11:48 pm

    Congrats on your great race and on your friends AGs!!

    Reply
  23. mostlyfitmom

    June 1, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    What?!? Wine doesn’t count as carb-loading?

    Good job in your race. 🙂

    Reply
  24. Charissa

    June 1, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    Haha, loved the format of this post…you’re cute!
    So glad I found your blog, I was looking for more runner type blogs and this is one of my loves (just ran my first marathon a few days ago).

    Reply
  25. running4thereason

    June 2, 2011 at 1:12 am

    I have a 5K on Sunday I am dying to PR and a Girls Night Out on Saturday- I will keep this post in mind when mulling over the cocktail menu Saturday night! Thanks!

    Reply
  26. Jeannie

    June 2, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    Love this post! Great way to turn your thoughts around and see the positive. I really love the part about being a running inspiration to your new friend. How awesome is that!

    Reply
  27. danny

    June 3, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    Those 10 steps to a Bad 5K can work for a good 5K, except you need to be 20 years old and in killer shape to pull it off. 🙂

    Reply
  28. Erika Bradford

    June 10, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    LOVE IT! LOL Thanks for the giggle!

    Reply

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Welcome to Relentless Forward Commotion. My name is Heather Hart, I'm an ACSM certified Exercise Physiologist, UESCA & RRCA certified coach, ultrarunner, adventure racer, mom to two teenagers, and cofounder of Hart Strength & Endurance Coaching. It is my passion to help every day athletes better understand exercise science, and to learn how to balance training for big athletic goals with “real life”.

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