• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
RELENTLESS FORWARD COMMOTION
RELENTLESS FORWARD COMMOTION
  • Ultrarunning
    • Ultrarunning for Beginners
    • Ultramarathon Training Plans
    • Ultramarathon Training Tips
    • Ultramarathon Racing Tips
  • Trail Running
  • Strength Training
  • Running Tips
  • Running Gear
  • Race Recaps
  • Coaching

5 Easy Steps to Achieve an Obstacle Course Racer’s Bikini Body

June 17, 2013 by Heather Hart, ACSM EP, CSCS 18 Comments

0 shares
  • Share
  • Tweet

Last Updated on January 31, 2022 by Heather Hart, ACSM EP, CSCS

While in the shower this morning, I was admiring* the effects of all of the hard training I’ve been doing over the last few weeks.  Yes, my body screams that I am a fit, enthusiastic, obstacle course racer,  and just in time for summer and bikini season! 

But wait, there is good news! Summer isn’t technically here yet, so YOU still have time to get the obstacle course racing body you’ve dreamed of, and you don’t even have to step foot in the gym! Follow these five steps**, and you too can rock the beach with a body that screams “I am an obstacle course racer, I eat barbed wire and mud pits for breakfast!”

Samantha- post - final

Samantha P

(disclaimer: severe sarcasm and somewhat graphic pictures ahead)

Step 1) Find a patch of your favorite rash inducing “poison” plant (ivy, sumac, oak, take your pick). 

Roll around in it.  No really, don’t be shy!  For the most authentic look, be sure to get some of that lovely plant oil in the most inexplicable location (back of the neck, armpit, top of the thighs) so when the painful rash appears,  you can look at it in agony and think “how did I get it there?!”

HEATHER COLLAGE

Me, pic #1 & #2 post Ultra Beast, #3 Citi Field Spartan Sprint

Step 2) For one day, lose your sense of coordination. 

Run into walls, trip over chairs, slam your shins into the corner of the coffee table.  Bruises that leave people wondering if you are clumsy are nice; bruises that leave people wondering if you got into a wrestling match with a grizzly bear are even better.

Amber collage

Amber M – post AZ Hurricane Heat

Step 3) Spend an exorbitant amount of time outdoors, while wearing shorts, a tank top, and preferably knee high socks.

This will ensure the most awkward of skin tone variations, including tropical dark tan knees and shoulders, with ghostly white thighs and shins. Bonus points for perfect sports bra lines. (Seriously though, wear sunscreen. Sunburns are bad.)

Hope Collage

Hope E

Step 4) Find a field loaded with thorny bushes, preferably shoulder high, and hastily run through, letting the needle like plants tear at your skin. 

No prickers available? Lock yourself in a small closet with a very angry cat.

Sarah Collage

Sarah G – legs post 3 laps at the Tri State Spartan Sprint

Step 5)  Bring a skateboard to a very large hill. 

Ride down it, being sure to fall off (preferably in a superman/”slide into home base” fashion) once you reach maximum speed.   Though pavement is rarely encountered by the obstacle course racer, the amount of road rash typically present would lead you to believe otherwise.

Chantal S

Chantal S – Alpha Warrior Bruises

Voila.  Don your bikini and strut your stuff on the beach this summer, enjoying the stares and head turns that your new obstacle course racing body will bring you ***.  You are welcome. 
_______________________________________________________

* By admiring, I meant contemplating the irony of how so many fitness “sources” like to market the idea of a getting a fit “bikini body” in time for the summer months, yet when I am in peak fitness for the year, my body looks like it has been through some sort of epic battle with mother nature.  All of this deep thinking, of course, while trying to find a non injured, non poison sumac covered strip of my leg to attempt to shave.

** I don’t actually recommend doing any of the above.  This is intended to be a sarcastic post.  Real injuries aren’t funny. Please don’t make me put a real disclaimer noting the fact that you should NOT attempt any of the above.    And if you do, please spare the angry cat.

*** Not the type of article you expected?  Want six pack abs, a back that will climb ropes, and killer glutes that carry you to the tops of mountains?  No quick fixes there, friends, just hard work and dedication.  You may want this article, How to Train for a Mud Run- OCR 101, instead.

Filed Under: Trail Running Tagged With: Obstacle Course Racing

About Heather Hart, ACSM EP, CSCS

Heather Hart is an ACSM certified Exercise Physiologist, NSCA Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist (CSCS), UESCA certified Ultrarunning Coach, RRCA certified Running Coach, co-founder of Hart Strength and Endurance Coaching, and creator of this site, Relentless Forward Commotion.   She is a mom of two teen boys, and has been running and racing distances of 5K to 100+ miles for over a decade.  Heather has been writing and encouraging others to find a love for fitness and movement since 2009.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    June 17, 2013 at 4:55 pm

    Whoa!!! strong woman.
    – H

    Reply
  2. Electra @ Vanilla Bean Lean

    June 17, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    You freakin’ rock. That’s all 😉

    Reply
  3. runningapart

    June 17, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    I completely relate to this post. When I was playing rugby after I had my son, I managed to get back to pre-baby weight and looked great but I couldn’t flaunt it! I looked like I’d been run over by a car and my poor boyfriend (now husband) would get nasty looks when we were out! ANd rugby players get those same tan lines on their legs. So embarrassing.

    Reply
  4. Melissa Running It

    June 17, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    Oh my gosh, these are soooo hilariously good. I totally took a beating doing my first Gladiator Run. The hubs was not impressed, nor inspired to sign up. HA. Love it!

    Reply
  5. Robyn

    June 17, 2013 at 5:27 pm

    Hilarious! Though I seem to get adequate scratches, abrasions, and broken bones by trail running.

    Reply
  6. Heather Gannoe

    June 17, 2013 at 5:29 pm

    Oh me too Robyn! Though I am pretty clumsy and typically fall every trail run, LOL!

    Reply
  7. Zaneta Brown

    June 17, 2013 at 5:52 pm

    haha! hilarious!! I already have bumps and bruises from things I don’t remember doing so obviously I’m halfway to a bikini body already 😉

    Reply
  8. Zaneta

    June 17, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    haha! hilarious!! I already have bumps and bruises from things I don’t remember doing so obviously I’m halfway to a bikini body already 😉

    Reply
  9. Maria B

    June 17, 2013 at 6:15 pm

    I lost my sparkle on June 15 and I feel invincible!

    Reply
  10. Tonya Ward

    June 17, 2013 at 8:26 pm

    I love the upper arms bruises (right where they’d be if someone grabbed you, ya know? lol) and the “um, are you okay?” side head tilt conversations! 🙂

    Reply
  11. Carrie

    June 17, 2013 at 8:39 pm

    I love this! As I sit here nursing new road rash from a 4 mile warm up this morning….damn loose board on a wooden bridge jumped up and took me out….what did I ever do to that bridge but run over it…every day??!!

    Reply
  12. Geoff Hart

    June 17, 2013 at 11:43 pm

    Brilliant!!

    Reply
  13. leah erickson

    September 2, 2013 at 8:48 pm

    HAHAHA love that you used amber. there is seriously no better bruiser.

    Reply
  14. Jason

    January 2, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    hysterical, i thought this would be a typical article of training tips for the ladies to look good in their bikinis. You totally turned the tables. I must admit, I’m no axe murderer, but I kinda like a girl who’s bruised up a bit. Great work

    Reply
    • Heather

      January 2, 2014 at 3:08 pm

      😉

      Reply
  15. geoff hart

    May 8, 2014 at 9:50 am

    I love you

    Reply
  16. Mrs. SFF

    January 5, 2016 at 3:38 pm

    Just found your blog and LOVE this post! I just ran the SC Beast in Nov and was disappointed that I had zero bruises. Bruises, scrapes, etc are a badge of honor for those of us in OCR. 🙂

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Ultramarathon coach Heather Hart running down dirt road  with text "Meet Heather"

I'm Heather, mom of two, ACSM Certified Exercise Physiologist, NSCA Certified Strength & Conditioning Specialist, and an overzealous athlete who cannot focus on a single discipline, so I train for all of them at the same time. When in doubt, I run...and then write about it. Read More…

RUN COACHING:

Image of Runner climbing down a large rock on a trail with words "Running & Training Tips"
Ultrarunning Coach Heather Hart running through the mountains during a race with text "Ultramarathon Training & Racing"
Heather Hart climbing up a large boulder during a trail running race with text "Races & Adventures" on image
Hart Adventure Racing Logo

Footer

Welcome to Relentless Forward Commotion. My name is Heather Hart, I'm an ACSM certified Exercise Physiologist, UESCA & RRCA certified coach, ultrarunner, adventure racer, mom to two teenagers, and cofounder of Hart Strength & Endurance Coaching. It is my passion to help every day athletes better understand exercise science, and to learn how to balance training for big athletic goals with “real life”.

  • About
  • Press
  • Privacy Policy
  • Disclaimer
  • Contact
© 2023 Relentless Forward Commotion
0 shares